Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
