My room smells like vodka and shame
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
