Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
