Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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