Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
