Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
this will be a night to untag.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
