Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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