I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
