Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
