I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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