we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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