I could make wine with my vomit
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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