So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
