Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
