Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
