I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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