I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
