Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
