I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
