dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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