But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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