The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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