I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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