1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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