Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
