maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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