Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
