Got a toothbrush?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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