how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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