winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
