I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
