I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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