I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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