Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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