i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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