I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
