Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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