the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
