My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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