Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
