So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
