Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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