Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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