I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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