please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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