be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
