final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
