I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
