I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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