I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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