I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
