loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
