boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
