so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am available for nakedness
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
